'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
I said stay home & study. But instead, I stayed in & stuck my ass on the fucking chair, exercised my finger's muscles by typing & clicking a lot. Gawdddd, I should stop being chapfallen, stay home & cry all day. How emo & I need the penknife, a box of sharp objects.
In honesty, it's been a while since we had reason left to smile.
My only reason was to fake. 'Cos if I don't, Mom & Dad are gonna go crazy thinking that their daughter is depressed again 'cos of another mistake. I'm not depressed; I'm just almost there. Well, not to the point that I've to slit myself. I keep having to write suicide notes, stupid thoughts. Not worthy, I'm trying to control myself. I'm trembling, hands are shaking. "I had enough" is gonna be the next thing I wanna shout out. Of what? Practically everything, of friends, of family, of school, of work. Of life, that is. Notice that I didn't say my.
Honest enough, I'm doing my Maths homework & I'll do my Literature if I have the time later. I'd definitely have the time but yknow, idleness comes in sometimes & I'll end up lazing around again. Maths is making me go crazy.
The situation is so awe-stuck.
Maths drive me mad but I still like. I miss Mrs Ong's lessons, during a weekend. How crazy can I get. I'm high on believing that I'm in love with Maths & Mrs Ong. ♥ No more I think I'm starting to like Maths, this time it's a definite answer. I better start using the schedule she gave us before I bring the wrong books to school next week. Oh & I better start on the pile of exam papers Mrs Ong printed for us, gosh. I merely started on the first two papers & I saw ______ on the question & I quit. 'Cos ______ reminds me of what's been going on, why my heart's been breaking, what's been wrecking my life; past & present. Anyhoooooooos, I better start doing. Hm. :)
The other day I skipped school, remember? Ok that is if you did read the previous entries & if I did post it.. I was doing my work in the kitchen with Zel & she suddenly yelled '______!' & I said, "Shut up & stop mentioning that name. Didn't I told you that last night? Stop it ok, before I fill your face with black dots." Hah, 'cos I was holding on to a marker. Later on, she asked me to help her with one of the problem sum then I know why she yelled out just now. 'Cos she saw ______'s name in the question. And then, everything replayed.
It was then when I realised I was replaced & how much I miss you so. I still yearn to hold you close, kiss you right. I'm walking out, walking away from your life. I should fuck off.
-
Had dinner. Fried rice with lettuce! :D Uber happy. My appetite's kinda back. Like hooray! Same thing goes to Ryl. :) We're moving on together. Uh huh, uh huh. Pert's working at Carl's Jr right now & she'll only knock off at 1am tonight. >:( Pfft. Okay I shouldn't complain. Happy working daddddddd. x) Check out your horny exgf's tagboard. Fucking funny shit. :)
I'm eating apples. HEHE. :D & my chest aches are back. ): Tsk, just when I'm so happy. Fuckadoodadee. They keep coming & going, argh. Spoiling my day. No, night! Steph's watching Ice Age 2 now I guess. & the fucking apple is fucking huge. Gawd, it's making my gums bleed. I taste blood. Tsk & this reminds me of her again. Stupid bitch, me.
Omg, the other word for lover boy is play boy. :XX I didn't know! How shocking. Hahah. I must finish up my Maths, today. I'll probably do Literature tmr or something. & I realised that I've been in this place since 3pm! So I'm blogging every minute I feel like it. As in, it's easier this way so I won't have to come to blogger again when I have something to say. Hahah.
The apple is too fucking big. >:(
I'm out.
Talk to that stupid bastard.
Hahahahahaha.
Nothing else.
I hate it when I have to act like I'm fucking happy.
{Edited: 10.30pm}
I forgot to say something really important. Thanks CJ for talking to me early this morning till the time you're going out. Really appreciate it ok. Now I know I'm not alone. I've got you, my Leo rocker. :D More horoscopes talking ok. Thanks Shar for listening to my nonsense. Love you both. :)
{/Edited}
Never wanna let you go. :)
<3.
3:35 PM
Mend this broken thing./
(
)
MidwestLoveAffair-@Blogspot
